


bury me in your memory

by clovercult



Series: homeward bound [3]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Heartbreak, ILY, M/M, Sick Character, Young Love, don’t kill me, gentle kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-06 14:23:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17346824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clovercult/pseuds/clovercult
Summary: they’d never know how ben stared at the dark in his room, or how he'd hoped that joe would just die before the pain could fully consume him.





	bury me in your memory

**Author's Note:**

> lord, help me.  
> rly sad, poorly-written (as always) hardzello!  
> unedited!!

a rather disspirited ben hardy sat upon his small, twin-sized mattress, pressing chaste kisses onto the delicate vessel that was joe mazzello's frail body.

he looked into joe's honeysuckle eyes and held back a violent sob, buried the very tip of his nose into the crook of the boy’s cold neck and choked on the bittersweet smell of his marigold soul, crumbling under god’s foot like the butt of a stomped-out cigarette.

the gentle waves behind ben's bedroom window overlapped each other, growing rough and heavy with each ragged breath his ailing lover took.

“want anything to drink?” ben offered, peppering the once-warm flesh of joe's collarbone with kisses. “does your chest still hurt?”

the younger teen’s lips parted, almost as if he was going to speak, yet nothing came out.

ben's eyes stung, and he felt like suffocating. he wanted nothing more than to trade places with his partner, replace joe's failing heart with his own, much healthier one.

the blonde let out a shakey breath, running his fingers through joe's thinning curls.

"i love you," he hummed, earning a small smile in response.

only a few moments longer, and joe would become one with the shadows that hid beneath ben's bed and in the very back of his brain, poisoning his already polluted thoughts.

  
he had begged the seemingly non-existent monarchy above for his pity, for joe's health, _for his life_.

  
despite ben's efforts to keep them at bay, the demons had resided within his lover and had scratched at the tottering walls of his weakening soul.

ben couldn't take it. the pain, the responsibility, the bloody illness that had taken his pretty little joe away from him.

the very thought of it made his heart ache and his insides turn, leaving a bitter taste in the back of his throat.

  
ben had been molested by his own mind, raped by the melancholy sonata his beloved played for him in his dreams, and slaughtered by the malicious tyrant known as _life_.

he remembered what gwilym and rami had said to him when the ginger first fell ill.

_"joe's strong, alright? he'll do just fine."_

he wanted them to be right.

he _needed_  them to be right.

although the mazzello family and his two best friends were always around, trying their absolute hardest to give the two lovers some peace and quiet, the occasional check-ups comforted ben in a way he never quite understood.

maybe it was their soft, reassuring words, or the fact that he wasn't the only one experiencing some kind of trauma from this entire situation.

they’d never know how ben stared at the dark in his room, or how he'd hoped that joe would just die before the pain could fully consume him.

before he could suffer any longer.

  
joe's slim, shakey fingers reached ben's, resting lightly ontop of the soft skin before curling around his large, calloused palm. 

ben returned the gesture, rubbing his thumb over the back of joe's hand soothingly.

"bury me in your memory," joe whispered, his once bright, fluttery voice now hoarse and thin and so, _so_ sick. "tell ... tell them what you saw in me, and not how i turned out to be."

ben simply nodded in response, trying his absolute hardest not to fall apart in front of joe. those words _stung._

"i'm gonna miss you, ben,"

the boy smiled weakly, allowing ben to lean forward and kiss him oh-so softly on the lips, like their first, delicate and gentle – shy, even.

ben couldn't help but smile back at joe. "i'll miss you, too, joe. so much. so ... so fucking much."

with one last, feather-light kiss, joe's eyes fluttered shut, and his breathing slowed. his fingers fell limp against the cotton sheets, still laced with ben's.

a quiet, rather reluctant sob left the blonde's plush lips, only heard by the stark-white walls, swallowed by the sound of the ocean outside.

 _finally_ , _he is free._

 

**Author's Note:**

> please leave your thoughts&opinions down in the comments!!  
> thank you for reading! <3


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